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"INSIGNIFICANCE"

by Mister Reindeer

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1.
2.
No. 17 04:06
I’ve been so weak the whole time limping Punching out the graded blah-leeding I wasn’t any good for you then Down the egg-crated dolls I went Whispering to the brim of my hand All your words - I stuck to the plan Letting in the subletters Part-time caretakers Low running the appliances No time to take any chances Playthings chipped and dinged Bruised up and discarded I got what I needed from them Custodians, cleaning-ladies Made the bed and laid in it Dishwashers, launderers Work in the ceiling, feather the attic Playthings chipped and dinged Bruised up and discarded I got what I needed from them
3.
This highway is guttered with soft bodies The ground outside my car is soft and snow-soaked I keep subtracting area codes and measuring deviations in my pulse Wishing we could be dissolved and blurry for one more night Speeding through a snowstorm, approaching the end of the dial Preparing to skid and throw down the brakes We might become immortal for the second time tonight Sing me a song called “love will break your back” The words are simple and blank faces never cost a thing. I secretly hoped that things would fall through With buckled knees and swollen ankles, I secretly hoped that I could fall through I could shrug off another heartbreak, I could sleep through another defeat Wish these words still had stingers The snow was up to here - Same time last year The sun keeps erupting cracks in the clouds Pilled together and stacked spreading horizontal Birds swoop in formation and then scatter. I keep swearing that it’s nothing, But in the end these things really do matter. In a world where black was exchanged for white, I heard the sound and I’m lying flat on my back now
4.
Calling out to the morning scree Get up, get out, get up, get out I don’t recognize this scene Get up, get out, get up, get out I was checked in to this room Fleeing from what I can only assume Get up, get out, get up, get out Get up, get out, get up, get out Personal effects I don’t recognize From a business of a different line My fingers getting skinnier Can no longer hold a thing Wallet, attaché, wallet, attaché Wallet, attaché, wallet, attaché Living in the realm of strangers Punching into the mattress The long lost smell of tobacco Spearmint in the ashes I was checked in to this room Fleeing from what I can only assume The day only getting stranger Alarms incorrectly selling danger Living in the realm of strangers Punching into the mattress The long lost smell of tobacco Spearmint in the ashes Can no longer smell a thing Nothing really happened when I was a kid
5.
I’ve admired a man with a body, a body like braided beef jerky and veins , veins visible as filigree I’ve admired this man so many times I can’t see the difference Any discrepancy is lost on me I admired a man, a television man The wainscoted ankles, checkered abdomen I admired this man crown to soles He would not admire me back He would not admire my back sections deep of planched nerves deeper still to the tousled dendrites, all a nest of palsy the spots all damned by naltrexone sugar disruptions and bitter black holes the spots all damned by naltrexone sugar disruptions and bitter black holes When I removed my shirt to reflect the sun and focus all this love He would not admire me back He would not admire my back
6.
Monarch 04:08
Teach me To attend to you Like the monarch In milkweed Please confer that code And select me For that role Teach me To open you up Like the monarch In milkweed Please Select me To be your star pupil Reinforce me Like the monarch In milkweed Please Confer that code And select me For that role Please Confer that code Select me To do your dispersing Fill my mouth up With your white tufts Fill my mouth up With your white tufts
7.
Penance 03:24
Weeping peonies From a post-apocalyptic flower shop Is all I’m bringing home To a family That does not rise up to meet me That does not rise up To meet me With armfuls of refuse Broken bits of plastic Could I weave them all together And build my casket Staying down on two skinned knees What’s there to replace the dopamine To replace To replace To replace The dopamine
8.
I smell like the street and am not believed I floss every night and my gums still bleed I’ve come home lost and am not received It’s not the right time in my life The seams are bleeding Seemingly bleeding out-out The beauty of seeing some Seeing some things collapsing out Dumping out Tupperware in a parking lot I saved up my pennies and it’s not a lot There’s no good news left in this world Can you feel the moment disintegrating? The seams are bleeding Seemingly bleeding out The beauty of seeing some Seeing some things collapsing Can you feel the moment disintegrating? You hold onto it with desperation Try to take the empty keg And all your friends to bed The seams are bleeding Seemingly bleeding out The beauty of seeing some Seeing some things collapsing
9.
Annihilation 05:15
Bodies falling through Targets in the water Pin points for pink pricks I was annihilated On impact Shockwaves sent through Systems over used Strings severed by strong winds I was annihilated On impact Into the pressure cooker - didn’t handle it all too well Just stayed uncompressed In the daily malaise The unrelenting heart swell She handled me All too well I was her dog in those early 20s I still wanted to be her dog In my cold, cold 20s My cold, cold 20s Let her drag me around Like some fresh new kill Loud speakers overhead Relayed storm warnings Flopping down drunk in a dead dog pile We got annihilated By a 12 pack I wanted to leave her on But she stopped me Time after time She stopped me Time after time I was her dog in those early 20s I still wanted to be her dog In my cold, cold 20s My cold, cold 20s Cold, cold 20s Let her drag me around Like some fresh new kill Let her drag me around. Like some fresh new kill Annihilated, annihilated We got annihilated Crumpled dead At the foot of her bed We got annihilated
10.
I couldn’t make it up to you I couldn’t take it out on you I couldn’t do this And I couldn’t do that Insignificance Insignificance Is where I’m at There were two paths in the wood - One bad and one good So I sat down in the mud And I dug, I dug, and I dug Insignificant Insignificant

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released January 20, 2023

all songs by Mister Reindeer except where indicated

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